It’s Friday evening, I’ve just had my supper, half a loaf, and 4 bananas. I am seated in my room watching The Goldbergs, a 2013 sitcom about a geeky boy who uses a video camera to document his family’s crazy life.
Suddenly a brilliant idea hits me; it’s Friday, I should go take a walk around Juja and see what college guys are up to. I fit into my jeans, put on my Timberlands and in a jiffy, I’m out of the hall.
On my way, I spot a close friend, I walk up to him, wide-grinned because apparently, when am not smiling I seem grumpy. Guys tell me that. But it’s at night, so what the heck.
“Hey man! How are doing?” I greet him as we do our usual guys-salutation; an echoing clap of palms followed by a mighty brush of shoulders. Thank God this guy is an inch taller than me, am so tired of brushing peoples’ spleens and pancreases, let alone ribs.
My guy was talking to a friend before I interrupted. So, as courtesy dictates, I greet the guy too then am back to my guy.
“Dude, you doing a great job nowadays with your blog, particularly the latest article about the chic that was defamed,” He starts
“Yeah, the Lulu chic, Waah! It’s so sad comrades can do such a diabolic thing”. (Okay, technically, he didn’t actually say ‘diabolic’)
“Thank you, I really appreciate”. I said
After a little more discourse, I noticed the other guy had walked away and felt sorry I had ‘sliced’ him.
“Anyway, where were you headed?” He asks.
“I got this idea of going for a walk around Juja town to see what happens at night.”
He laughs. “I can see you’re one duck who is ever ‘formless’ (having nothing fun to do). Well, I’ve been waiting for someone out here for a while, she’s not picking my calls. Let me give you a push.”
We walk along JKUAT corridors, chattering like monkeys about boys’ issues and laughing at very stupid things. Hey, guys do have issues by the way; lots of them.
We walk past the basketball courts and my guy gets a message notification. He withdraws his phone unlocks the screen and skims through the text.
“Damn, this girl again, she wants me, she can’t leave me alone and she’s disturbing me.”
“He-he, you guy, girl troubles all the time. I wish I had just one girl trouble in a year” At the moment, I am vividly remembering the last time I had girl troubles. Seven years ago, when I was in class eight. Should I tell you? Okay stop insisting too much, I’ll tell you.
2009, I was a guru in Math and everybody liked asking me questions because I could explain concepts well. This girl, call her Kaari; she was so perfect. She once asked me a probability question and I taught her very well though my heart was pounding like a train engine and my body was sweating profusely. I liked her, in fact, I was in love.
For the next few weeks, all was fine and I think she was getting into me considering the many questions she would ask. And she did give me girl troubles, you know, the love letters! But all this merry came to a halt one fateful day.
It was tea-break time, I took my tea and was back to class early. I spotted Kaari’s jumper. I walked towards it, picked it up, looked around; nobody was there. I looked back at it, closed my eyes and started kissing it.
I kissed it some more, then rubbed it on my face. I was in a fantasy world until I heard giggles. I opened my eyes in shock. At the door was a bunch of students, most were my classmates and Kaari was among them.
That’s enough. Since then, girl troubles are out of reach.
“Man, this girl has given me a lot of temptations and I have really struggled not to fall into her numerous traps,” he says
“Wow man, temptations? I’ve been wishing I get these temptations all year through, I get none.” I’m surprised.
He chuckles and calls me crazy.
“Am serious man, I have hoped and wished that I get your kind of temptations but nothing happens.” He laughs harder
I remember when I was choosing my university course, my dad would sit me down and give me tons of advice.
‘University is both a good and bad place. You can create a success story or you could lose your life there.’ He insisted more on the second part.
‘There are a lot of problems in college, and worse of all are ladies. They will pretend to be your friends and use you. They will put on revealing clothes, come to your place and sit in compromising positions to woo you.’
Yes, dad hits the nail on the head.
‘Take care son, don’t allow these ladies to blind you. They will come in plenty, but you shall not lose your focus, do you understand me?’
Well, now I’m a worried man. Where are these ladies who will tempt me? Where are these ladies who want me so bad that they can give me sleepless days? (I sleep a lot during daytime alone with my vest, alone)
Where are these ladies who will call me at night and lie to me how they have missed me? Where are these ladies who will come to my place and give me the temptations I only hear about? Why the heck, don’t I get my fair share of temptations while in college?
This is definitely not right, I need my temptations, Mr. Nature. I need my freaking temptations. I will not sit on a chair and numbly glance across at my children, having nothing to share about university temptations because I got none.
My friend interrupts my fantasy. “You are a responsible person, that’s why you don’t get your fair share of temptations. Your personality and how you avoid people and places that accommodate temptations are the culprits. Go out there, explore the world and temptations will come hunting you like a hungry lion.”
Talk about the best bad advice ever. But we are boys, we give each other bad advice.
Anyway, my friend got a call from the lady he was supposed to meet. I said bye and walked on, towards gate c. I guess that walk around Juja should be a story for another day.
But, hey Mr. Nature, I will explore and in return, you get me my temptations. Talk about being a normal male youth.