What is it like when you feel obliged to defy your busy schedule against your wishes so that you can attend to someone else’s issues? How does it feel to sacrifice your needs so that you can provide for a colleague and expect something in return only to be disappointed? How do you cope with living in accordance with other people’s approvals and expectations?
You think you are being nice and believe the universe should reward you, but do you really benefit? Yes, being nice is a great attribute, it draws people towards you and your social life tends to be successful. However, being overly nice to other people at the expense of your beliefs and interests is detrimental to your life.
When I was 10, I noticed I had taken the nice guy attribute and at such a time when I was surrounded by innocent kids like me, being nice was adorable. I quickly embraced the habit and enjoyed while still young until I joined high school when things suddenly changed.
My new friends asked me for unreasonable favors some which went against my ideals and others that wasted my time. Since I was the nice guy, I did my best to fulfill their expectations and hoped they liked me.
I avoided conflicts with them and always remained supportive in their endeavors which I disliked. What did I get in return? A bunch of friends who saw weakness in me and exploited my kindness to get what they wanted.
I joined college with pretty much the same attitude towards life; believing that if I did well for others, they will return the favor and if they don’t, the universe will reward me in some other way. Now with the new world of absolute freedom and numerous ladies around me, I embraced niceness from the very start, bending at everyone’s wishes and avoiding conflict like a plague. But I was in for a rude shock.
College is filled with people of infinite characters who, however, all possess one common trait; they have desires and they will do whatever it takes to fulfill them, even if it takes the manipulation of friends. In many circumstances, friends have taken advantage of my kindness to get what they want without ever showing any gratitude.
Since I’ve avoided to express my interests and tried hard not to disappoint people, I have occasionally drowned into phases of depression. For instance, when I pursued ladies, I would beat around the bush about my feelings towards them but practically lay down everything to be at their beck and call in a bid get them to like me. This would always land me into the zone all guys dread.
One day, I decided enough is enough and stopped being overly nice. Consequently, my life has taken a new and better dimension. Armed with the habit of deriving appreciation from within and a mind focused on achieving my dreams, I feel like life has just started.
I have resolved not to lose my kindness but to only be nice when it doesn’t involve sacrificing my ideals. I don’t shy away from conflicting with my friends’ because I want them to understand that I can make decisions they ought to accept.
I have made it my initiative to state my intentions in every newly acquired relationship, whether its business, adventure, friendship or dating so that I can clear my mind and avoid looking for petty ways to make someone notice. When I mean no, I quickly say it out loud within the first 3 seconds after being requested, then I start figuring out how to explain my answer. And you know what, I like it this way, sometimes I wonder how I survived before.
I no longer shy away from conflicting with my friends’ because I want them to understand that I can make decisions which they ought to accept. I have made it my initiative to state my intentions in every newly acquired relationship, whether its business, adventure, friendship or dating so that I can clear my mind and avoid looking for petty ways to make someone notice. When I mean no, I quickly say it out loud within the first 3 seconds after being requested, then figure out a brief explanation. And you know what, I like it this way, sometimes I wonder how I survived before.
It’s your turn to change
I know there are many people out there who have spent most of their lives just as I did; trying to please everybody by submitting to their needs so as to be liked. It is time to take a break and start living a life that pleases you. As a young adult, most of life is ahead and inevitably you will encounter many people who will want to use you to achieve their goals. Be careful.
Don’t give up what you have to impress them; they will not be impressed. You can always assist them especially if you have nothing to lose but don’t make it your duty to serve them. To survive, put yourself first. Society dictates the opposite, that you should put others first. But since you are not a kid anymore, you should know the difference. The latter is about caring for those who lack.
So how will you transform from being overly nice to being kind but self-caring? How can you stop living for others and start living for yourself? How can you avoid being disappointed by people you think should return favors for helping them out? Find out in this next article.