Most of us, if not all desire to be loved by everybody. Yet when we get the opportunity to make others interested in us, we screw up. In today’s society, who you know matters a lot.
So these are some basic principles you need when interacting with people to make them like you. Inspired and derived from Dale Carnegie’s Book; How to win friends and Influence People.
1. Be genuinely interested in other people.
The hardest way to get friends is by trying to impress by people and living according to their standards. Rather, you should invest more time in getting interested in the people you want to be friends with. For instance, know their birthdays or other special days and surprise them with gifts in such days.
2. Know people by both their names and a little bit about their families.
The average human is more interested in their name than any other names in the world put together. When you master someone’s name and call them the next time you meet, they will feel precious and recognized.
Celebrities expect everybody to know them and that’s why when a gate guard stops one and asks him for his ID, he disgruntledly asks,
“Do know who I am?”
Jim Farley said the secret to his success was that he knew 50 thousand people by their names
3. When discussing, look at things from the other person’s perspective and try to get them to say yes.
This is known as Socrates’ Method where you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and then ask them questions they will have to say yes.
Consequently, as they continue to say yes, yes, they will inadvertently come to the conclusion that you were right. This way they will like you for showing them the way and you might be their future reference for advice.
4. Be a good listener.
When you converse with people, remember that they are more interested in what they have to say than your views. The average person is more interested in their views and problems than anything else in the world. A person’s headache interests one more than the thousands of people starving to death in Turkana, Kenya.
So when having a discourse, listen more. Ask questions that the other person will love to answer. Be more interested in what they have to say. Support them even if they say weird things as long as you have nothing to lose.
5. Avoid arguments and don’t ram your ideas in other people’s faces.
It is everybody’s desire to be right so we often take proving ourselves very seriously and push people away. When you force your notions in people’s understanding, you get resistance and such people will avoid you like a cold. Nobody wants to be the fool of any conversation.
So, next time you are discussing, try to use these words whenever they express themselves;
I might be wrong, I frequently am, let’s examine the facts.
When you are right, gently and tactfully win people to your way of thinking, when you are wrong, admit it quickly and with enthusiasm.
This is just a tip of the iceberg from the book which I’m still internalizing and I will reveal to you all its principles later.